Common Questions and Concerns
For some families, understanding your child is transgender, gender expansive, or otherwise gender diverse, comes from something a child says. For others, it is a parent or teacher who notices a pattern over time. And for some, there was never a moment of realization at all – their child has simply always been this way.
However you came to understand this about your child, you likely have concerns. Some may even keep you up at night. Others surface when well-meaning relatives or friends weigh in. This section addresses the questions parents ask most often. We will not tell you what to conclude. We will share what research shows, what xperienced families have learned, and what might help you think through these concerns for yourself.
The Essentials
Is this just a social media trend?
Parents sometimes worry their child’s gender identity, or perception of their gender identity, has been influenced by friends or social media. The concern comes up frequently, whether all of this seems sudden or you have watched it unfold over time. We understand you may have fears around this that are not easy to discuss with your child.
But please note, being transgender or nonbinary is not contagious. There are other, much more likely scenarios at play. Some children and teens have been sitting on their feelings for quite a while, even years, before discussing it with you. They might have been grappling with how to put words to it or just been hoping it would go away. They may have been suffering in silence. Others feel they must try to overcome their authentic gender until they realize the stress of not sharing with family is greater than the risk of living openly.
For many, it is the positive experience of exposure to a wider range of gender identities and gender expressions that helps affirm who they are. It can be through peers, media, or the internet that they find both the language to understand themselves and the courage to speak about it. Rather than being a negative influence, having online or in-person communities that are affirming and nonjudgmental can be lifesaving.
While the internet can be a source of misinformation, for many gender-diverse youth, it is the only place they can find others like them. It provides a mirror that helps them understand feelings they may have had for years but couldn’t name.
Research supports this. A 2024 research brief from the Digital Wellness Lab found that gender-diverse adolescents go online primarily to seek community, learn vocabulary, and share coping tips.3 Those who reported having no affirming online space had higher rates of depression and anxiety. A 2022 study in the Journal of Pediatrics tested the “social contagion” hypothesis directly using clinical data from transgender adolescents at ten Canadian medical centers and found no evidence to support it.4 A follow-up study found that these adolescents had realized their gender at an average age of ten, years before they sought any medical care.5 What looks sudden to parents is rarely sudden to the child.
If what your child is expressing is informed by outside influences rather than something deeper, it will dissipate in time, without distress. Patience, good humor, and active listening will serve you well. However, do not assume that a changing of identity terms or pronouns means this is not real. Sometimes it takes a few tries to determine what exactly does not feel right and what it will take to correct it.
Is this just a phase?
This is one of the most common questions parents ask. It is natural to wonder. The truth for your child is that only time will tell. But here is what we know.
If this is very new, your child may be in the middle of trying to figure out who they are. The longer an identity persists, especially when it is consistent and insistent, the less likely it is to change. Research shows that transgender children demonstrate the same level of certainty about their gender identity as other children do about theirs. In a five-year follow-up study of more than 300 children who had socially transitioned, 94% continued to identify as transgender, 3.5% identified as nonbinary, and 2.5% returned to identifying with their natal sex.1 A 2025 study published in Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development followed more than 900 children across multiple years, including both transgender and cisgender children. The researchers found that transgender children’s gender identities were as stable over time as those of cisgender children.2
It is also worth noting that even if a young person’s understanding of their gender evolves, which can happen for anyone throughout life, supporting them in their current experience is the right approach. The alternative, dismissing or invalidating a child’s expressed identity, carries documented risks to mental health and family relationships. Support and caution are not opposites. You can affirm your child and take your time. You can listen closely and still move slowly on decisions. These are not in conflict.
We worry a lot, and deep down inside, we hope there is still a chance it may go away. Not because we don’t support him but because we don’t want this hard life for him.
Father of a 14-year-old transgender son, white family, small-town Arkansas
What if my child changes their mind?
This concern comes from a place of love and wanting to protect your child. You do not want them to suffer needless discrimination, and you do not want to rush into anything.
Here are some important points to consider.
Not all children who express themselves in gender-expansive ways are transgender. Gender identity and gender expression are different aspects of gender. A child who dresses or plays in ways that differ from expectations for their natal sex may be exploring expression, identity, or both. It can take time to sort this out, especially given the limited vocabulary we often provide young people about gender.
The “changing their mind” concern sometimes reflects anxiety about making irreversible medical decisions. But most of what your child needs from you right now is not medical. Social support and acceptance remain the most important factors in a gender-expansive young person’s well-being at any age.
Is this about gender expression or gender identity?
This is an important question, and it can take time to answer.
Not all children who are gender-diverse are expressing something about their gender identity. Many young people today do not feel comfortable with traditional expectations about how boys or girls “should” dress, act, or present themselves. They are embracing more sides of themselves than these categories allow. Some are questioning the entire system of gender expectations.
There is a difference between having a gender identity that differs from natal sex and having a style of expression that differs from what is expected. If what a child expresses is about appearance, interests, and preferences, this may be about gender expression. We often refer to people like this as gender-expansive. If what is being expressed is about their internal sense of who they are, it is more likely to be about their gender identity. They may be transgender, nonbinary, or agender. Sometimes it is both a need for greater gender expression and an exploration of gender identity.
Sorting this out often requires trying things on to see what fits. For younger children, you might let them grow their hair longer or cut it shorter, or let them choose whatever clothes feel right. For teens, this might mean experimenting with different styles, names, or pronouns among trusted friends or family. A child or teenager who has only been exposed to a narrow range of gender expression may feel they do not belong to their assigned gender when what they actually need is more freedom in how they express themselves.
For more on the distinction between gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation, see the Understanding Gender section of this website.
Go Deeper
Why Are There More Gender-Diverse Children Now?
Until recently, transgender children had no way of knowing that other people like them existed, and typically received little positive acknowledgment of their own feelings. Today, many transgender and nonbinary children have exposure to broader expressions of gender around them, both in the media and in real life. They are also likely to come across gender-inclusive terminology earlier in life and thus find a vocabulary to express their feelings at a younger age.
Parental awareness and reaction has also changed. Rather than always meeting their child’s gender-nonconforming behaviors and expression with punishment or harmful attempts to change them, parents are more often reacting with compassion. Rather than considering them a shameful facet of family life that should be eradicated, today’s parents are more likely to seek out information and to access networks of families with gender-expansive and transgender children.
It is not that there are more transgender and nonbinary children today than in the past, but rather that more children and teens are supported in expressing themselves, and at younger ages, than before. The presence of transgender children is not new, though they may be much more visible today.
A Helpful Historical Parallel
Rates of Americans openly identifying as left-handed jumped from roughly 3% in 1900 to about 10% by the 1950s, once schools stopped forcing right-hand writing. Before that shift, left-handed children were routinely punished, shamed, or physically restrained to make them use their right hand. Left-handedness was associated with moral failing, mental deficiency, and even evil – the word “inister” comes from the Latin word for left. When the stigma lifted, more people felt free to be who they had always been. Scholars agree the increase reflected reduced stigma, not newly created left-handers.
Gender diversity shows a similar pattern. As penalties ease and language spreads, more people feel safe expressing who they have always been. Visibility reflects growing feelings of safety and increasing social vocabulary, not a fad.
Common Misconceptions
“True transgender people know from a young age.” Some transgender people do know that their gender identity is different from what has been assumed for them from an early age. However, people can learn or confirm that they are transgender at any age. It is very common for youth to understand or confirm this about themselves as they enter puberty or any time during adolescence. This can happen as their sense of self evolves, or when they learn terms that for the first time describe their experience.
Just because I didn’t always feel this way does not mean I don’t feel it now!
17-year-old nonbinary teen, white family, Salt Lake City, Utah
“All transgender people feel trapped in the wrong body.” Although this is a common concept often cited in media, it is not a universal experience. Some transgender people do feel this way. Others do not feel that there was a mistake made with their body, but rather that there was a mistake made with their gender assignment. And many transgender people love their bodies but do not like the gendered assumptions that others place on their body. Feeling trapped in the wrong body is not required to be transgender.
“Gender-diverse teens are just confused.” Just like other people, gender-diverse young people know who they are. They may go through a period of working out the right words or labels to reflect how they experience themselves, but that does not mean what they feel is invalid. Because transgender, nonbinary, and other gender-diverse people fall outside traditional understandings of gender, they typically think about their gender more than those who are cisgender. This level of self-exploration may be viewed as confusion, when what is more likely happening is an evolving understanding of who they are.
What Research Shows About Persistence
A 2025 study published in Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development followed over 900 children across multiple years, including both transgender and cisgender children. The study found that gender identity was highly stable across childhood for all groups. The vast majority of children who identified as transgender at the start of the study continued to do so. This is one of the largest and longest studies of its kind.2
Research on disclosure timing also matters for understanding your child. A 2023 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that transgender adults realized their identity at an average age of about 8 but did not disclose it until an average age of about 15. Many waited until they left home.3 This gap between knowing and telling reflects how much depends on feeling safe enough to share.
When your child tells you about their gender, they are trusting you with something they may have held for years. That trust is a gift, even when the news is unexpected.
Helping Your Child Sort It Out
Whether your child is just beginning to explore their gender or has been thinking about it for years, your support matters.
Questioning something as fundamental as gender can be disorienting. Your child may wonder if they are still lovable, or if they will be rejected by the people who matter most to them. Some young people are naturally more internal and need time to process on their own before sharing. Others think out loud and may share their exploration more openly. Either way, this can be a vulnerable time. It may take some experimentation – trying on different labels, names, or ways of expressing themselves – to find what fits. You do not need to have all the answers. You just need to stay connected, to listen, and to let them know you are with them regardless of where this leads.
Our daughter went through a period where she was questioning everything about her gender. She tried a different name, different pronouns. After about a year, she told us she’d figured out she was a girl, just not the kind of girl she thought she had to be. We’e glad we gave her room to explore.
Father of a 14-year-old, Latino family, Boise, Idaho
The Bottom Line
Questions and concerns are natural. What matters most is staying connected to your child while you work through them together. Research consistently shows that family support is the most significant factor in a gender-diverse young person’s well-being. You do not need to have all the answers to be a good parent. You just need to keep showing up.
Moving Forward
You may not have all the answers yet – most parents don’t. But understanding comes with time, and you do not have to wait for certainty to take the next step. The sections that follow offer guidance on how to support your child while you continue to learn. Start wherever feels right for you.
Learn More
References
- Olson, K.R., Durwood, L., Horton, R., Gallagher, N.M., and Devor, A. (2022). Gender Identity 5 Years After Social Transition. Pediatrics, 150(2), e2021056082.
- deMayo, B.E., Gallagher, N.M., Leshin, R.A., and Olson, K.R. (2025). Stability and Change in Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation Across Childhood and Adolescence. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 90(1-3), 7-172.
- Turban, J.L., Dolotina, B., Freitag, T.M., King, D., and Keuroghlian, A.S. (2023). Age of Realization and Disclosure of Gender Identity Among Transgender Adults. Journal of Adolescent Health, 72(6), 852-859.
- Digital Wellness Lab. (2024). Gender Diverse Adolescents and Digital Media Use. Boston Children’s Hospital.
- Bauer, G.R., Lawson, M.L., and Metzger, D.L. (2022). Do Clinical Data from Transgender Adolescents Support the Phenomenon of “Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria”? The Journal of Pediatrics, 243, 224-227.
- Guss, C.E., Woolverton, G.A., Engel, A., Guo, C., Gatos, K., and Bauer, G.R. (2023). Mental Health and Age of First Hormone Readiness Assessment in Transgender Youth. Journal of Adolescent Health, 73(3), 484-490.